In Our Hearts Always - Remembering Mar Friday

Today Mar would have been seventeen. A day I thought we would see together, I really thought he would beat kidney disease after all, he beat cancer. He fought to the end and if he could have been here longer I know he would have.

There are so many memories. So much can happen - good and bad in sixteen years. I think about him everyday. The living room still has a handful of his toys scattered about, his perch has not been touched...I cannot bring myself to move or pack up anything. I finally displayed and arranged his memorial with his ashes. I am still working on it - as I feel it is not complete. I plan on buying a shelf to display his favorite brush and toys. Where he used to sun himself on the window seat I started framing and grouping photos of him. When I am alone in the living room I look at his stuff and ask out loud if he is around. At night when I hear our house creak and settle I often remember the sound of Mar jumping down from his perch to get into bed with us, that loud thump on the floor that signaled he was on his way. I would move over, make room as I anticipated him jumping on the bed.
Sometimes I like to pretend/think/imagine his fur in my fingers, the way he would partially sit in my lap as not to crush me, the paw on my leg wanting a bite of pasta...The smell of his fur, the lump that was just a fatty tumor (that I prayed over when I found it) on his leg I would knead like a rosary.
I light a candle for him every night. I talk to him, ask him to help me survive another day, help kitties and how much I miss him. I cry, I get angry when people ask me about getting another cat, I walk into Matt's office and bury my head in his chest and I tell him how much I miss Mar for the hundredth time...

 

  When he first got his perch. This was his fave place to hang out.

Matt wanted to share some memories as well. Matt and Mar had a special bond that allowed Mar to climb up on Matt's chest and sleep there. Mar also had a way of getting Matt to share his food, that would annoy some but we found humorous. Matt won me over with his cat love and all the love he showed Mar. This is from Matt:

What Kendy's blog is doing is one of the things I enjoyed most with Marilyn which was
sharing him with other people. I always loved it when other people got to meet Marilyn,
particularly my younger cousins; which only happened twice but for some reason they really
stick in my head. One of my fondest and funniest memories is a cousin who must have been 5 or 6
years old seeing Marilyn by our front door. Marilyn let her pet him but wasn't giving her any purrs.
She was so amazed how big and fluffy Marilyn was and when she went back in the car I could hear
her tell my aunt how she just saw a big fluffy cat. I love that. People were always amazed how big
he was and how good he looked for his age. In the end, this is a sad sentiment I'm sharing since he
no longer can be shared in the physical world but with this blog and our memories he continues to be
shared in a different realm.

Mar left these huge paw prints on our hearts, on every heart he met he left something behind. People I would have never met unless it was due to cat talk are now my friends, they hug me and ask me how I am. I love sharing memories of Mar, I will always share these memories.

Mommy will always love you Mar.